The Stay at Home Dadcast: Archive

It’s Christmas time and we just ordered our 2010 Christmas Cards!

Merry Christmas from my family to yours!

Family Wall Red Christmas Card

Make a statement with custom

My kids don't understand weather. Or God.

Kids: It's snowing!
Me: Yeah, great.
Kids: Is it Christmas today?
Me: It doesn't have to Christmas in order for it to snow. It just has to be cold enough.
Kids: Wow, God DOES love us!

Me and Dishwashing Machine

Me: Hey, Dishwasher Machine! Can you stop being so loud so I can concentrate on this press release I'm supposed to write today?
Dishwasher Machine: SWISH SA-WOOSH SWISH SA-WOOSH GRRRRRRRGLE
Me: Well this isn't a very productive conversation.
Dishwasher machine: Seriously, what did you expect? I am a dish washing machine. I do not have a conscious let alone the capacity to maintain any sort of recognizable vocabulary.
Me: Well, then how is I recognize that?
Dishwasher Machine: That is because you have chosen to distract yourself from your writing obligation by daydreaming up a pretend conversation with me to make it appear as though it is I who is distracting you from your work when in fact, it is you. This is the basis for which you lead such an half-assed career in writing. Also, you are out of rinsing agent.
Me: Oh, dishwasher machine. . . What would I do without you?

6yo: Can you wipe me!
Me: Sure, hang on. Oh, hey what's this spilled on the floor? Is this water or juice or something?
6yo: I don't know.
Me: (Rubbing the spill with me fingers) Well what the hell is this?
6yo: I had diarrhea.
Me: (throwing up into my own brain) oh.

My 5year old autistic son using the F word pt2

Him: I'm going to punch your face, fuckin dad!
Me: Don't you dare talk to me like that.
Him: Then I'm going to SLAP your face, fuckin dad!
Me: Wait, no. The way that my face is struck is not what I was objecting to.

My 5year old autistic son using the F word pt1

The Stay at Home Dadcast